The Guide to Growing a Beard at Work Without Losing Your Job
Gather round, my bros. It’s bring-your-beard-to-work day, and you’re all invited.
Yup – there’s never been a better time to don a pair of braces, slick your hair back and start growing a beard. “Clean shaven for work” is no longer an excuse. Jesus got away with it and you should too!
Of course it’s a ridiculous point of contention, but some bosses and professionals still look down on beards. They’re living in the stone age, right? Well not technically, ‘cause I guess they didn’t have razors back then. But you see what I mean.
It’s a battle of wits. You want to grow your beard to the desired length. They’re a tyrannical demagogue who scowls at anyone who wants to stop shaving for more than a week. Suddenly the two of you have locked horns in a passive-aggressive game of employee robot wars.
Let the games… begin.
Growing a Beard is Every Man’s Right
Life, liberty and the pursuit of beardiness. That’s what Thomas Jefferson would probably have said (if he could grow a beard). Some might say that happiness and beardiness are synonymous anyway – it’s a debate to be had, for sure.
Whatever the case, we believe that the decision to let your facial hair grow and flourish is yours and yours alone. A beard is your unalienable right.
Your boss is probably just jealous
If your boss is some snotty clean shaven dude who’s always nagging you to trim your beard then chances are it’s because you’ve started looking too handsome for your own good.
If your boss is some snotty lady who’s always nagging you to trim your beard, it’s probably because she thinks you’ve started looking too handsome for your own good.
Get the message? No matter how neat or rugged, a luscious full beard is a handsome addition to any face. Expertly combed, precisely trimmed and with a subtle hint of Mission Beard’s soon-to-be-released beard oil – this is the stuff of legends.
If you’re worried it’s going to cause problems, here’s a tip: prevention is better than cure. Make sure you wash your beard, keep it smelling great and try not to accidentally store food in it. Our guide to beard growth products will help you out, but you’ll kinda have to do the food bit yourself.
So anyway, where were we? You’re walking into work like some kind of Greek God and people start losing their sh*t over it. What happens next?
You’re asked to shave
Oh snap! Serve returned. Knight to E4. Check. But this fight isn’t over.
Because if there’s one thing that judgemental colleagues and despotic bosses are no match for, it’s a diplomatic bearded gent. Armed with only a pair of beard trimmers and a passion for equality in the workplace, you will overcome these harsh critics.
It’s worth pointing out that having a beard bears no effect on professionalism, cleanliness, hygiene, productivity and work ethic. In fact, one might argue that the confidence which comes with a finely groomed beard will be of great benefit in the workplace.
Chances are your employee handbook or contract doesn’t say anything about all beards being outlawed. If there’s a section which suggests that no unruly facial hair is allowed, then your argument should emphasize that there’s nothing unruly about a good beard. Well trimmed, pleasantly scented and in a nice neat beard style – actually sounds rather ruly to me.
Take the high horse
Your beard hairs are your lifeblood. Together, they’re the silky source of your unphased confidence. They make you you.
And getting into a paddy with whoever takes offence to that isn’t your best bet – after all, beards are still the (relatively) new kid on the block. Getting a ruler out to measure the length of individual neck hairs doesn’t make you look dignified.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your beard (unless you haven’t been using beard oil on it – in which case you’ve got some explaining to do!).
However, responding with a careful, reasonable argument will show people that they don’t have to fear (or feel threatened by) the beard. After all, it’s not the nineties any more. Scooby strings, double denim and pressure to shave your beard are no longer a thing.
A few excuses for the road to rocking it
Believe it or not, the author of this very post has an office job which he now needs to attend to, and (apparently) he’s got a thicker beard than some. So let’s wrap this up with a few good reasons to rock your beard at work:
- You deserve to look like a million dollars and exude confidence and radiance. If growing a beard will help (which of course it will) then grow a beard!
- You’re a strong, independent man who don’t need no razor. If the worst comes to the worst, just scream “You’re not the boss of me!” and even if they are, they won’t be for long.
- Your dog ate your shaving foam. Don’t go for your dog ate your shaving razor if you still want to use your dog as an excuse for stuff in future.
- You’ve just signed up to Mission Beard’s mailing list (which you found conveniently slap-bang in the middle of their homepage) and we told you to grow it.
That should be enough to get you through your working day! Got any suggestions from your time of rocking a beard at work? Let us know in the comments…
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